Researchers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology announced today a major breakthrough in reading technology: the Virgil LR. The Literary Technologies Team at MIT revealed that the machine had surpassed the benchmark set by the Russian built Fyodor-9000, having already read 16,000 volumes and capable of reading War and Peace in 79 minutes.
Dr. Damian Yu, the Lead Designer on the project “At the moment the machine is calibrated to read dense 19th century literature, it’s capable of understanding subtext and humanist expression with 100% accuracy, higher than any human reader; all perfectly within context.” The team were eager to assure the public that the machine will not be a threat to human literary experts until July of next year when the Virgil LR will “have read the entire canon of human works.”
Professor Randford Dunn, Chair of Literature at Cambridge University “We’re finally getting a definitive answer on what some of the greatest books ever written were about, amazingly we’ve all been quite wrong.” In 2008 when the Virgil LR had entered its beta testing stage it processed the classic novel Moby Dick by Herman Melville. Scholars and fans were stunned to learn the book was actually an elaborate and often lewd anagram detailing Melville’s attraction to his neighbour’s wife. The book was removed from teaching in many schools.
Scientists involved in the project confirmed that work on the machine is on-going to increase its efficiency and that by mid 2011 the machine’s Lit.Cog engine will reach optimum speed allowing the computer to consume all works printed in the financial year 2011/2012 “fairly close to instantly after publication.” At which point the team will have to contend with a dip in the content feed. Damian Yu explained “The machine wasn’t designed for the purpose but we are prepared to scan the copious bodies of internet erotic and fan-fiction until we establish the alternative source.”
That alternative source will arrive in 2016 with the activation of the companion unit the Virgil LG – the Literature Generating device. “The LG unit will interface directly with the LR and hopefully achieve a 1:1 rate of production/consumption.” Though this event would mark the end of all human involvement in reading and writing, Dr. Yu and the research team remain positive “This allows for more inventive use of time and the skills of human readers and writers.”
Treasury officials have begun working with the greatest and most prolific American authors assisting them in their transition into civillian life. The ‘Pens Down Program’ aims to pair writers with their better suited careers.
Pulitzer winning author Cormac McCarthy was recently hired by General Motors to work in the customer service department “I’m having such a wonderful time!” Said Mr. McCarthy from his desk in New Jersey “the money is ok and I’m helping people which is all I ever wanted. Everyone has been nice and welcoming and I’m getting the hang of it. I have to go now, my lunch break is over.” And Mr. McCarthy’s story is not alone.
“More and more I am hearing from writers who are more fulfilled now than ever” said Stacy Cotter director of the Pens Down Program “Dan Brown has been assigned a post as a back-up dancer and has toured with such acts as Bette Midler and Paula Abdul.” Mr. Brown was unavailable to comment by time of publishing.
Tags: authors, books, Cormac McCarthy, MIT, news, Pulitzer Prize, research, science, technology, virgil, writing
